June 21, 2019 at 10:14 PM

It breaks my heart to read your first post OP. I want to give you a very warm hug to you and your husband. I am sure that he also have tons of thoughts going through his brain.
Tell him that none of it is his fault and that you love him very much and that you know that he is a good man, unlike the "mother" you had.

I contemplated if you should respond or not and so many response already to your post, with all good comments and advice that I agree with, with exception to understand your mother's position, because no mother should ever lay out love with conditions. Ever. In fact, that is for any type of relationship.

You know "your family" the best and you have different answers to how they would handle it and since you have a few comments/advice, you apply to what you would think be right in this situation on how to deal with your "mother".

You keep all those gifts that was given to you. Even under the law, gifts is not something you have to return since it was not something you intimidated that you should receive. Keep that email. You don't have to keep reading it, but save it if there is a law-suit against you and your husband. There is some key words in that email that any Judge would toss their case out of court.

In my personal experience with my mother, I knew I had to cut her off and responding to that email is a way for your mother to suck you back to beg and ask forgiveness. My mother did something similar to this and even though to took my breath away (including the police officer who overheard it), I decided not to respond and just walk away for good.
As for my husband, his siblings did something similar on him and he cut them off completely because it was going on far too many years. Perhaps, my husband didn't set very good boundary (with exception of saying "no" to having their mother move in with us) with his siblings, because it caught him off guard that his siblings would even dare bully him with nonsense every single time. Cutting them off completely was very healing for him.

I wish you and your husband lots of love and all the best in your future.

June 21, 2019 at 10:11 PM

Disgusting. How can we expect kids to be civil when the adults act like savages?

March 20, 2019 at 10:01 PM

Simple. In our culture sex is private. Strippers and pornstar take an intimate and private subject and make it for public consumption, hence the negative reaction of these professions.

March 20, 2019 at 9:08 PM

You are probably eating cassia, and not true cinnamon. True cinnamon is a rare spice now, and most commercial cinnamon is cultivated from cassia bark these days. Unfortunately, while the flavor isn't that much different, cassia has a higher level of coumarin, which is toxic when isolated and extracted. On the upside, powdered cinnamon (whether cassia or true cinnamon) won't be toxic, in general - you'd have to eat a whole lot of it to get the amount that causes toxicity when the coumarin is isolated and extracted. On the downside, it's more likely that people will either have a sensitivity to it, or develop one, than if they were consuming true cinnamon.

The only thing you can do, really, is to just avoid eating things flavored with cinnamon. If you want the taste of cinnamon (I love it, and I'm very grateful that I'm not sensitive to the Indonesian cassia), look for Ceylon Cinnamon - cinnamomum verum. If you buy natural bark, you can tell which is which by looking at it.

Cassia sticks are curled from each side into the middle. The bark is fairly thick, and extremely dense.

Ceylon cinnamon sticks are rolled up from one end -to- the other. The bark is fairly thin, and more delicate than cassia.

February 5, 2019 at 11:53 PM

Absolutely I'd want to know who the neighbors are and if they don't approach us and introduce themselves, we will meet them at some point somewhere and chat a bit. Seems more polite that way and in case they or we need immediate help at some point, at least knowing their name would be helpful. We have big hedges on either side of our house, so we coordinate hedge maintenance with the neighbors on the sides. There's an orchard behind, so we don't see them much.

Sometimes the neighbors drop by for a visit, sometimes we visit them.

February 5, 2019 at 11:45 PM

No one I consider a "friend" would do something so childish out of pettiness. If something so serious had happened that they felt they had to stop communicating my friends would be mature enough to tell me why. I can only think of one person who did something that drastic but it wasn't because of me, it was because of a family situation they had to escape entirely. Our friendship just happened to be collateral damage. She explained everything and then disappeared. It hurt at first, but the reason was understandable so I had to accept it. Just couldn't hold any resentment over it.


Christmas Budgets & Spending

December 4, 2018 at 12:18 PM

With this job i have now, i have made a group of friends. not just friends at work, but friends outside of work too, which has pretty awesome so far. I'm not the type of person that makes friends easily, though I actually do try. Anyway we decided to buy each other gifts this year and do a gift exchange. how it works is that we have a group message list going, and we each added stuff to the list of things we wanted, just to give ideas. For instance I have a small kitchen again so i put that i'd appreciate anything from the pioneer woman kitchen stuff at Walmart. it's stuff i need, and i didn't think it would cost much so no one would have to spend a ton of money on me. Everyone elses lists were reasonable as well. So I haven't started my shopping yet, but I had planned to next week. I was going to pick one thing off everyones list, then get them another gift I thought they might like. This is for six people including me.

Well one friend, I guess we'll say her name is Hailey, texted and said she changed her mind. instead of her original stuff, she asked if it were possible if all five of us could chip in and get her a nintendo switch. it's $300 so thats $60 per person. I said I wouldn't mind if everyone else agreed. But one friend, Lily, pretty much said no. But she got mad at me for bringing it up. She said $60 was too much to spend on one person. That got me thinking about it and so I texted, "is it? idk". I didnt mean it rudely, more like, I was starting to really wonder if $60 was too much to spend on someone. But Lily took it wrong and said, "YES, it's a lot, especially when you have 11 people to buy for. You don't."

I don't know. At first i was excited about doing gifts, because i honestly love shopping for others. I don't care what I get because Christmas isn't about any of the gifts you get anyway. To me its about giving, about God, and feeling the spirit of Christmas in your heart and soul. I just keep thinking about the situation now. I'm worried I will spend to much money and make others feel bad, or maybe I won't spend enough and that will make people feel bad as well. I just want everyone to be happy really. This is my first year buying everyone something and i just want to get it right.

Any advice? How do you set a Christmas budget? Do most people care what you spend?

October 11, 2018 at 11:03 PM
We've met most of our friends through our kids. That is, our kids and their kids became friends and then we became friends with their parents. This goes back to shared interests, we all had kids in common. As others have said, just start meeting with people who share your interests. As long as you participate, maybe volunteer to lead occasionally, some will invite you to activities outside the group.



August 28, 2018 at 3:22 AM
Well, first things first.


The point of the #metoo movement was to make people aware of a problem, and it has apparently done that since you are beginning to re-evaluate your own behavior.

But you're gonna need to get a little more sophisticated in your analysis.

I agree with the previous posters that you are focused on the wrong parts of the problem. You're naturally concerned about personal consequences for your behavior. Is that because you know you've crossed a line in the past? Or are you actually worried that random women with malicious grudges will go out of their way to ruin your career without cause? Because 99% of people (women included) will accept a sincere compliment without issue.

It's really not hard to act appropriately, and that is the goal of #metoo: To get people to see an issue from a different perspective.

I have noticed a bit of a backlash similar to what you've mentioned, with people afraid of joking around, and honestly that's probably a good thing since some idiots do take advantage of people's reluctance to call someone out for boorishness. But I've also seen guys go the opposite way, and become more hostile about gender differences. Watch - it'll happen in this thread, if it stays open. They will refuse to examine their own actions and instead will thoughtlessly turn it into a buzzword aimed at insulting others.

One thing you need to understand, in your quest to say something nice to everyone, is that people aren't dying for you to compliment them. Sure, friendly greetings are great! But are you offering these sincerely to make the other person feel better or to come off as the office good guy?

Either way, Sweetascanbe had some great suggestions for making those niceties more neutral.

Because really, if "I'm afraid I'll get in trouble..." is your primary reaction to #metoo, then you still have some work to do.


August 24, 2018 at 12:48 PM
Cars:- Invention of the Devil in an effort to make all people lazy and fat, since they aren't getting any exercise walking



August 24, 2018 at 12:39 PM
Years ago I would have taken it personally and been ticked off. Now I think I would just let the person go ahead.


As they say - 'everyone is fighting some kind of battle'. Maybe this person is going through something I can't even imagine.

I choose to not be in a hurry much anymore and it makes my life so much better!


August 24, 2018 at 12:18 PM
The norm? Early 2000s, I would say. But they were a common sight by the second half of the '90s.



July 21, 2018 at 6:15 PM
I can't stomach Seinfeld. He's the guy that everyone thinks is funny and I JUST DO NOT SEE IT....kind a like the Beatles. Great music? Really? Vanilla all the way....but Friends is just really good writing and chemistry. This just goes to show different strokes though, ya know? I know plenty that love Seinfeld and hate Friends, my family members included.